Trying to figure out why I’m sabotaging my eating plan

I’m sitting here in the office.  I know darn well there are donated goodies in one of the classrooms.  I can’t help myself — I’ve got to go get a few donuts.  Always the frosted with filling.  They are 380 calories each; 720 for two of them.  I take bites out of two other donuts — they are stale, and I throw them out (I guess that’s a small victory, right?)  But the frosted ones.  Heaven….nirvana….even if just for those few seconds they are in my mouth and being swallowed.  To look at what I just wrote, it seems like utter nonsense.  Why would I do this?  A moment on the lips means a lifetime on the hips.  Whoever came up with that hit the nail right on the head.  What substitute can I get that can be just as satisfying without the added calories?  I don’t think it exists.

Dieting, to me, is an “all-or-nothing” endeavor.  Either I’m perfect with the eating plan (and can thus stay on it) or if I screw up, it’s like, “oh, what the hell?”  I see a lot of us have that “all-or-nothing” mentality.  I guess, “it’s picking up and continuing on” is how we’re supposed to recover from these slip-ups.

If only the slip-ups can be satisfactorily avoided.

There is some kind of pain I’m trying to soothe or avoid.  The pain of being overwhelmed is a biggie for me.  I have to step back, take things in bite-sized chunks (not talking about the food), and deal with them one at a time.  Right now, I’m formatting two annual reports and bulletins for 3 churches.  I have to get people together to plan an event  (I’ve never coordinated anything like that before).  I just found out that I have more surgeries in my future (diverticulosis and now knee and possible shoulder surgery).  My daughter, who’s expecting her first child (and also a high-risk pregnancy), lives across the country and wants me out there at the end of March, when they induce her.  After 31 years of ministry, my pastor (also my supervisor) will be retiring, and there’s no one there yet to replace him.  That will add more administrative responsibility on my plate.  And that’s not including the everyday stuff of running the household and finances.

Besides going across the country, I want to go to the Adirondacks for a retreat at the end of April.  Then two weeks later, I want to go to Grand Rapids to meet up with friends for a 5k.  Depending on how my knee is doing will decide whether or not I will be participating.

I’m definitely overwhelmed.  But I have to find a way to turn a deaf ear to the food.


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